It has been one of those months. You know the ones I’m talking about…..the one where you feel like you’re going from 0 to 90 to nothing and the world has been moving even faster than you. In the past month, I have…
written the rest of my thesis (and still making revisions)
traveled to DisneyWorld
Interviewed in Nashville
completed another paper for conference
worked for the Dean
…and that doesn’t include anything of my personal life. It has been a crazy month. I’ve realized, yet again, that I’m a giver (Maybe it’s more like “devoted” or “stubborn”) I don’t say that to sound self-righteous, but I give all of myself to anything I do (I don’t want to seem that I’ve got it all figured out, because I know I have a LOT to learn. I’m also incredibly selfish at times, which is a HUGE flaw). All that to say, I have this tendency to put my problems, needs, etc., on the backburner until everyone else in my life is stable and ok. I’m really good at choosing to smile and move on, spending energy to look forward and keep marching.
It’s not that I’m at an emotionally unstable point in my life right now. Things are going very well, life is great, I have everything I need. I think it’s more that I tend to give to those who need extra attention from me, and I neglect my needs until, all of a sudden, they smack me in the face. Couple that with the fact that I can’t sit still and be silent, and it’s no wonder that I’m tired.
And I’m not just tired, but I’m empty. I have absolutely nothing to give right now, and I’m desperately needing sustenance. You know that feeling where all you can do is breathe, and hope that the rest of the body functions? Maybe I’m being dramatic, but I’m right there.
Its a great thing that Spring Break is around the corner. For the last few weeks, this verse is repeating itself over and over in my head:
” This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. ” – Isaiah 30:15.
He goes on to talk about the Israelites, basically trying to take control of God’s plan and not allowing Him to see it through. His writing reprimands and warns, and it’s a good thing for me to take heed.
So, I’m going to be like Elijah (1 Kings 19: 1-18), waiting on God to reveal Himself in anyway He will. The interesting thing is that I remember meditating on this passage while at Summit 2004, our Challenge retreat. I was in the exact same position, waiting on Him and drawing His strength. He proved faithful, and He will again. I just need some extra “uumph” to get through 🙂