I’ve had a lot of great experiences over the past few weeks. There was the first time to see pieces of the Berlin Wall. There was also E’s first trip to see me in DC.
But the most important first, was the first trip to NYC. Granted, it was a work trip, but I was able to get a lot of sightseeing done. I’ve never been a tourist alone before, so this was a whole new experience. I mean, who can resist Rockefeller Center?
In the midst of these new exciting moments, there always seems to be a bit of my past that rears its ugly head. I refer to it as the “Pager Theory” when talking about past guy interests, but this theory goes a bit deeper. When life seems to go so incredibly well, the bottom appears to fall out. And, I say “appears” because it really never does- it’s just a good opportunity to trust God a bit more than before and move forward.
Right now, I’m in that intersection of trying to process a situation that I’ve been numb to for a very long time. Over the past 10 years, I feel that I’ve really been put through the wringer with this relationship. 10 years of hope, heartache, and a very deep hurt that has been forgiven. However, I’m seeing that the hurt remained and emerged in a new form. And because I’ve forced myself to move on and divorce myself from the situation, I’m finding that I’m completely lost on how to process these new developments. I haven’t had to deal with this in the last 5 years. I just ask for your patience and prayers as I try to sort all of this out.