This Thursday marks the 27th year that God has blessed me with the ability to walk on this earth. I know that seems a bit weighty, and nevermind that some years were better than others. Every year, I like to reflect and see what all has happened (I think my dad instilled this in me- we also do this, just him and me, at New Years). Some years, I look back in awe of all that has taken place. Other years, I look back in relief, grateful that the specific year passed. A few of those years, I have cried…yes, cried.. because it just felt like I was too $*($& old. (Yeah, I know, I have no room to talk – the old feeling comes mainly from the singleness.. you know what I mean).
This year is a bit different than others. It is a mix of gratefulness and anticipation. If I look back, the rap sheet is long: earned a Master’s degree, started a job, moved to a new city completely out of my comfort zone, watched family changes, friend changes, traveled to new cities. I was healed from past hurts, able to mend wounded relationships, and could walk away from a specific situation with my head held high, knowing that I took the best route I could. I was continually reminded that I fail, fall, and am consistently redeemed by grace and mercy. I have been disappointed and hurt, longing for something so much more than what I have in certain situations. I am secure in the woman I’ve become, yet I don’t want to remain the same throughout the next year.
And while all of these thoughts could still classify me as the “walking contradiction” I’m sometimes known to be, I’m so grateful for the people in my life who help me to realize that I need focus and keep reaching for my potential. I’m encouraged by those who never let me quit and don’t like to hear me whine; those who make me think for myself to know what is best and challenge me to take risks. To those who believe in me, even when I don’t, I love you dearly and I would not be here without you.