There’s one thing you should know about me: I love a mid-year check-in. A chance to reflect on what intentions I set out for the year and see how or if they’ve unfolded. Give me a journal and a great cup of coffee (decaf these days, thanks high blood pressure and heartburn), and I can spend hours looking at every nook and cranny of the past six months.
I dug out my Moleskine notebook and stared at the notes I took at the beginning of the year. I pulled up New Year, Different Plan (a great suggestion by my colleague Amanda). I sat on our sunny deck in the Pacific Northwest morning with a slight breeze. I realized something critical.
I made all of these intentions before we found out we were pregnant.
Welp, let’s just throw the notebook in the air, right? Wrong. All it means is that I needed to give myself some grace for the intentions not yet realized. Here’s how it went down on paper:
Did I start to reach out to the people on my list of “dream partners and colleagues”? Yes! And some of you have actually subscribed to this newsletter. I’m beyond grateful and excited to see how we can all collaborate in the future. The bonus: I added more people to the list and I’m working with them currently!
Did I get a book deal or start a podcast? No, I haven’t even started shopping for agents, but thanks to Ruthie and my writing class buddies Stacy and Gia, I’ve been fine-tuning this memoir into something that, I believe, is going to bring truth to women everywhere. I’ve also got some ideas in the works and partners for podcasting, so be on the lookout once Team Kugler regroups after little sis joins our ranks.
Have I connected with other writers and audiences in deep and meaningful ways? Yes, and you all are a testament to that. Thank you for allowing me to hold some space in your Saturday inboxes with my exploration of the Yes/And.
Did I expand my consulting business? Bigger than I realized. It’s causing a little overwhelm right now, but my team is growing and I’m so grateful these opportunities are coming my way.
And the most important one… drumroll please.
Was I present with my family, both at home and in reconnecting after the past two years of Covid uncertainties?
A resounding yes. I’ve watched Brendan become the most curious, inquisitive and compassionate boy. I’ve seen Dave take on new challenges with grace in his own quest to move us all forward while returning back to a more normal pace of life. I’ve spent time singing to this little bird that will meet us in a few weeks. We reconnected with family we haven’t seen in so long, as if no time had passed.
It all leaves me with one question: what’s next? If I’d refine anything from this list, it’s that I’d give myself more space to think, feel what’s happening in the moment, sit in discomfort, and write it all down. I’d allow the grace for that margin of time where uncertainty with a newborn is a reality. Instead of charging into postpartum with a to-do list and unrealistic expectations and comparisons of other moms, I’d let my body, mind and intuition guide me toward what was most true for my life in this moment.
Luvvie’s quote from PROFESSIONAL TROUBLEMAKER still rings true. I’m going to double-down on my “too muchness” and rediscover who I am in this new iteration. I’m pretty excited to meet her.