Sorry to come back to the blogosphere on such a low note, but sometimes you just have to write what is in your heart.
My 29th birthday was a little over a week ago. And you know what birthdays mean: reflection time. I was in Albuquerque for work, so I had plenty of alone time to think over the past year and how much things have changed. A year ago, I would not have imagined that I would go through the highs and lows. It also feels like such an extreme year – from the high of coasting through Costa Rica with the most amazing man to a traumatic family moment that I’d never want anyone to go through. In all, life just seems to march on.
For me, the lesson in it all was just to be grateful for what I have and allow God’s whole and true perspective of the world to ring true in my life as well. Sometimes that is much more difficult than others, especially when you hear the crackle of thunder and lightning, as if the world might fall apart again. You work toward healing past hurts and watching the wound close up, hoping that it won’t reopen. Sometimes, we just aren’t that lucky and it can open in the most unexpected ways.
I got a call this morning that brought all of the life to the wound our family experienced almost a year ago. A friend of mine coped as the same tragedy happened in her friend’s family and needed advice on what to do. All of the questions and fears swirled my head. “How do I be there for her?” “How do I cope?” “Oh God, how can this happen to someone else?” The doubts and panic can set in immediately. All of these thoughts on the heels of revisiting a heartbreaking moment of the past year. A little too much deja vu, if you ask me.
Ultimately, though, I find it utterly amazing when sadness and despair does bring life and healing in another way. I’m happy I was able to help her think through some tough questions while revisiting mine as well. It didn’t allow for a very “sunshine and rainbows” sort of day (in fact, yesterday was way too full of tears), but it allowed me to process a painful moment all over again and realize once again how wide, high and deep God’s love truly is. Even though I want this wound to heal overnight, apparently it takes longer than a year. Or two. Or more. All the while, God’s promises are that He’ll be faithful to carry us through those utterly painful moments – and I’m clinging to that and believing it for my friend and family.